I woke up feeling sad this morning. Sad and lonely. I don't know why, though. Maybe because of the panic attack I had during the night? I stayed in bed, silently looking into the TV, watching whatever was on. I always sleep with my TV on when I'm alone. It's mostly because of my phobia for turned off televisons, but lately I've been wondering if I find some sort of comfort from it. Maybe I feel more safe when I hear people talking as I drift off to sleep? I kept staring blankly into it, until I heard the pling of a new text message from my phone.
"Look outside your window," it said. Puff had sent it. I threw on my gray sweat pants and my hoodie and opened the window. And there she stood, with her friend Avan, smiling towards me. I was surprised, to say the least. But I instantly felt happy by the sight. Puff asked me if I wanted to take a smoke, and even though I just woke up and felt like I looked like shit, I just couldn't say no. Didn't want to say no. So I ran down the stairs and joined them on my porch, smoking and talking. It was like some higher power knew how I was feeling, that they knew how badly I needed someone there with me.
We made coffee and drank it outside my house, smoked and talked some more, listened to music. It felt great. But I still had these desperate thoughts that I didn't want to see them go. They had to, eventually. And I watched them head back to the school, only a five minute walk away from my house. I texted Puff, asking her if she could come back later, after school. She returned my message, telling me that she could.
So, now I'm sitting here, waiting for her to come back here and join me on the stone steps outside my door.
Taking a smoke. Talking. Listening to music.
"Look outside your window," it said. Puff had sent it. I threw on my gray sweat pants and my hoodie and opened the window. And there she stood, with her friend Avan, smiling towards me. I was surprised, to say the least. But I instantly felt happy by the sight. Puff asked me if I wanted to take a smoke, and even though I just woke up and felt like I looked like shit, I just couldn't say no. Didn't want to say no. So I ran down the stairs and joined them on my porch, smoking and talking. It was like some higher power knew how I was feeling, that they knew how badly I needed someone there with me.
We made coffee and drank it outside my house, smoked and talked some more, listened to music. It felt great. But I still had these desperate thoughts that I didn't want to see them go. They had to, eventually. And I watched them head back to the school, only a five minute walk away from my house. I texted Puff, asking her if she could come back later, after school. She returned my message, telling me that she could.
So, now I'm sitting here, waiting for her to come back here and join me on the stone steps outside my door.
Taking a smoke. Talking. Listening to music.
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